Hi there….it is the crazy psycho bitch here…. holy cow, what is wrong with me? I was going bat shit crazy at the poor children all day yesterday and why? For no great reason other than I have a thousand things running through my head that need to be done and don’t seem to be able to get any of them complete.
Toddler hell – it is not a happy place for me. I was in the light. The year was 2010 and I was just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with my 5 & 4 year olds. I was about to give all my baby crap away, would have been happy to burn it all actually. Then….BOOM……felt a bit sick, thought I must have had glandular fever because I was so tired. Thought it best I do a pregnancy test before the Doctors flew in for their monthly visit – just to rule that out……Nothing was ruled out, there it was staring into my beady little eyes – 2 lines….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Mr Chardy just laughed and thought it was funny and exciting, I assured him it WASN’T.
Fast forward 3 years (nearly) and we wouldn’t be without the cute little bundle that is Clancy, but gee whiz this toddler caper really does my head in. I know, I know… I will look back on these years and realize they were actually the easy years. Yes, I know I don’t want to even think about my 3 boys and cars and alcohol. But I just can’t even see past the fog. There must be a glimmer of light at the end of my new tunnel, surely. Now before you all get too concerned for my safety, don’t worry, I have since shouted myself a little holiday to BrisVegas for a Tube Tying Tour (anything for a child free holiday, right?) and have stayed on the Pill just to be sure. I am dammed if I am going to be one of those statistics you hear about. You know, the people who get their tubes tied and then still get pregnant. No thanks.
Life with a toddler really is like a blender without the lid. It is actually like a blender full of Lego without the lid. Lego and crumbs and spilt milk.
Then last night the boys opened the sliding door and all the bugs came in. Yes, the cheese fell off my cracker for the last time that evening, I don’t even think they listen to me anymore, which is probably a good thing. In between me going crazy, a frog managed to become squished in between the glass and sliding door. I told the boys to deal with it and get it out, I couldn’t watch. I didn’t want to see, hear or smell the slimy little thing. In the end Tom and I had to take the door off and hunt it out. Yes, Mr Chardy is actually away so it was up to the 9 year old and me.
This brings me to my next point. It is a good thing that Mr Chardy is such a hermit and doesn’t ever go anywhere. All I have done the past 2 nights has been eat and eat and eat. Night number 1 it was a deep fry-a-thon and on day number 2 I had a “how many Jatz can one person eat” competition with myself – with loads of butter and chutney – because chutney was about the naughtiest thing I had to jazz it up with. Once all the Jatz were gone I was hunting through the cupboards like a woman possessed looking for ANYTHING sweet. The only thing I could find was Popping Candy….I kid you not. It was actually given to the children at Christmas, but I found it in the deep dark depths of the pantry. Just embarrassing really, but god it was good, and that popping in your mouth, yum! So yes folks – turns out if I didn’t have a husband I may well be about 60kg’s heavier.
Lucky I was wearing my “Holy Muffin Top Remover” Katies Ultimate Fit jeans – thanks Mrs Woog! Seriously, you need to check out her post about these jeans. You would never buy them if you saw them in the shop, but trust me, they are the bomb. Seeing is believing, and they are so darned comfy. Thanks Mrs Woog! Be sure to have a read, she is one funny lady: Woogsworld.
One last thing before I end my rant. I am out of Chardy AGAIN. At this rate I am going to have to change my name to Chardy All Gone. Or even worse, the name my husband suggested I call the blog – The After Grog Blog…..hmmmm it was a lovely thought, but – no. I did manage to scrounge up a gin lime and soda though. What is going on, I really need to get my priorities sorted and get online tomorrow and order some Chardy or this blog will be history.
How do I get all my jobs done. I can’t see the light. Everywhere I look I see jobs that need doing. Am I just lazy or does this happen to other people too? This is why I need to visit Mrs Sav, I always feel motivated after seeing her, but the motivation is just not there this time.
So that is the real Miss Chardy folks. An absolute lunatic. I normally save this stuff for emails to my just as crazy friends, because they will listen, but now I have you all. After emailing my friend last night, she told me this is the stuff I should be blogging about so I thought, why not!
Are you a crazy psycho bitch too or am I the only one?