Do you do it too? I am pretty sure we all do. Trying to do it all, it is hard work and can wear you down. But I tell you the hardest thing of all – parenting! Yes, I know Mum, you told me it was hard work, and you were so right – yet again.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to have 3 happy (well I think they are happy, most of the time they are complaining), healthy and pretty smart little boys. We were so lucky that we didn’t have trouble getting pregnant and those babies just kept coming. It breaks my heart to see friends who try over and over only to face heartbreak time and time again.
But back to my whinge…. because I don’t think it matters if you have tried over and over for a baby and finally managed to get one or if you just held your husbands hand and got pregnant. We all go through tough times with our children. Oh and the guilt. Why do I feel so guilty day in and day out. If I could just stop feeling so guilty life would be so much happier. I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my children, yet I am here for then 24/7. They do their schooling here, they have smoko and lunch with me, they can see me after school…so why the hell do I beat myself up?
I feel so lucky that I don’t have to put them in day care, and my 3 year old is by my side ALL.OF.THE.TIME. Ohhhhhhh, sometimes I would kill for a daycare break. I feel guilty that I hate cooking with them and have no patience when they want to help, but I do try. I worry that my lack of attention is going to turn them into serial killers, but then I remind myself (or someone else reminds me) that they are from a loving family, their parents are still together and actually love each other, there is no fighting in their home (only the fighting among themselves) we are all together most of the time, they get to go out working with Dad….. basically they have it pretty good, they just don’t realise it. And me telling them that I would love to drop them on the streets of India for 2 nights so they can see what it is like to have nothing, probably doesn’t help….does it? But goodness me I would love them to see what it looks like to have nothing. They are just so spoilt – is this going to turn them into serial killers??? Like the people you see on Criminal Minds!!
I worry that they are going to be scarred for life because I don’t want to play kiddie games with them, and that I am so busy most of the time. But we are all busy, right? Seriously, how do all of you town Mum’s do it. The after school sport would be enough to do my head in. Although at least I would get to see my friends and have a chat. You see, I think I get like this when I haven’t been anywhere for a while or chatted with my friends.
Did I mention in has been 107 days since I have been to town. Ok, so there have been trips away during those 3 months, but only a few really and it didn’t involve town unless you count the Camooweal Cricket Weekend, and I don’t think we can really count that as “town”. So maybe that is my problem, I just need to get the hell out of here and have a good week with my friends.
So on Sunday we will drive out of here. Goodbye everyone – happy cooking for yourselves! Goodbye housework, goodbye office work and goodbye station cooking. One whole week people. We are heading in for the annual School of the Air Home Tutor Seminar week and Sports Day. The boys with do NAPLAN on Tuesday and then go to school for 2 days on Wednesday and Thursday (and do more NAPLAN). We will do lots of jobs on Monday, go to the doctor, go to the optometrist and finally bank all of their money in their heavy little money boxes (which they have most likely stolen from around the home). But the one thing I am looking forward to: going to the hairdressers. Bring it on! My child free day – Tuesday – relaxing, having my hair done, reading and just chilling out.
Lets hope that once I get back some of my guilt has gone. Perhaps I will have more patience and be a nicer person to be around. Turns out the “Anti Bitch Pills” haven’t really turned me into said nicer person! Who’d have thought. ha ha ha.
I am so sorry you have had to listen to me bitch and moan about life, but thanks so much for listening. I promise to be happier once I get to town. The old Chards will be back, hopefully.
So, how has your week been? Do you feel this guilt that I feel, day in and day out?
Do you find yourself saying “what a waste, that could feed a whole family in Africa” when they won’t eat their food?
Have a great weekend and I will be sure to keep you posted whilst in town. Yippeeee!!!!!