I type this through tears. We are only into our second week of school holidays and already I feel broken. I am so sick of constantly feeling like the worlds worst Mum, every single day!
I bet you don’t even realise just how hard done by my 3 boys are. They are so deprived it isn’t even funny. There is absolutely nothing to do here at our house. NOTHING. I think it is all because they don’t have a motorbike and you know… “everyone else has one”. No really – they do, EVERYONE else has a motorbike! My poor boys only have a pool. A pool for goodness sake. Can you even imagine how hard their life is?
All they have is a lovely blue pool, bikes to ride, 1.7 million acres to ride them on, a river to play at and build cubbies (if they could be bothered to use their imagination). They have so much lego that they could quite possibly build themselves that motorbike they have always wanted, or maybe they could build themselves a new house to live in. One that was way more fun that ours, where the Mum wasn’t cranky all the time.
I honestly feel like I am the meanest Mum on earth. I hear myself getting cross and I just can’t stop it. It is like they don’t hear me until I am totally losing my shit at them. Then their hearing aids must switch to my frequency and they actually hear me. By this time I feel so bad that I have shut myself in my room, usually in my wardrobe to have a little cry… because: mean Mum! It is like that scene in the Sex and the City movie where Charlotte totally loses her shit when her daughter whacks hand prints on her Valentino skirt…
I really do feel like they are going to be scarred for life. All I do is worry. Worry worry worry. Surely no one else gets this cranky with their kids… it is all sunshine and roses in everyone else’s house right??? Kids are smiling, playing so nicely together, no whinging, Mum is swanning around with a big smile on her house just loving her kids sick. Do I have that right? Is this what you look like….
Image credit: Daily Mail UK – where there is a great article: “Why does every other Mum in the world have to be so perfect?”
I woke up this morning feeling very happy. I made everyone exactly what they wanted for breakfast, because you know I am also running a cafe here too. Tom had scrambled eggs, bacon and fried mushrooms. Harry had tinned spaghetti and bacon while Clancy just had some bacon. I am pretty sure you can see just how hard done by they are by now. Does anyone have the number for DOCS? They should definitely be phoned, tell them to come quick!
Am I the only one who feels like this? Does anyone else have this constant battle. Ungrateful kids. I feel like I have created little monsters who have no regard for anything.
I stop asking my 12 year old to do anything because I just can’t be bothered to deal with the constant fighting, the back chat and the arguing that goes along with a simple request such as “can you please turn the sprinklers off?” – I mean that question does not need an answer does it, nothing… just go and do it. A 2 second job turns into a fighting match between Mother and Son and I am feeling quite defeated my friends.
So please tell me… is there anyone else out there who feels like this? I am sitting here on the station, 5 hours from town and at the moment and there is not one other single person here on the station… it is just me and 3 kids who do nothing but fight we each other….. “get lost… stop it… get away from me… I hate you….. ouch, he punched me……. that’s mine, stop touching it……i’m hungry…. i’m hungry….. i’m hungry…. i’m hungry……. i’m going to choke you ….. i’m going to throw this chair at you…”
Those last few little lines are actually being said as I type this to you. Oh sorry I have to go…. because now the 10 year old wants to cook pikelets…. that’s ok, I don’t have any other work I need to do. No really, I don’t!
The struggle is real. Do you feel my pain???
Oh Chards, I feel for you and wish I was there to take them off your hands for a while. I think you need to try to separate them from each other and give them individual challenges that they need to do….that way you are making it into a game. Tell them that you are going to score the challenges at the end of the day. Write each child their own challenges, ie. 1 hour to build a boat with lego, 30 minutes to draw a picture of a house, 30 minutes to colour it in. Tell them that they have to do them individually and there is to be no whinging or fighting or points will be conducted. This might take 10 minutes to write out, but you should have plenty of time to yourself once they start.
The reward at the end of the day may be you spending 30 minutes playing Trouble with them and they each get a special treat.
So turns out it did come though!!! Thanks for the chat.
Dear Miss Chardy’s Big Sister,
These ideas are complete genius and I have scrawled them down in my notebook to help diffuse the similar situation we’re having with my two daughters on our farm.
Thank you so much!
A x
Dear Chards,
Mate. I hear you. I am a horrible shouty person at the moment too. The Little Sister sooks at the drop of a hat and it is driving me up the bloody wall.
I’d do my own Facebook live from our wardrobe but I’m pretty sure there’s no service in there!
Wish we could put them all in the pool and let them sort themselves out while we had a few G&Ts.
A xx
Ha ha ha, I love that you have replied to my sister too! 🙂 My new years resolution was to not get so cranky at the kids… how has that gone – well yesterday was the 2nd Jan and I was a horrible shouty person.
Miss Chardy, you will be relieved to know that you have totally normal kids! Don’t believe what you see in the movies or social media – that is fantasy. I can still hear my mother’s voice whining “leave your sister alone!!!!!” as my older brother was using me as a punching bag because he was ‘bored’. But I survived! We need to go back to the 1950’s when it was normal for kids to be kicked out of the house after breakfast and not allowed back in till dinner time. Maybe take a bottle of Chardonnay into the wardrobe with you next time!!!
I only have 2 kids at home a 12 yr old girl and 7yr old boy. And believe me when i say your not alone. Miss 12 constantly wants to be left alond and mr7 wants to play and hang out with his sister. The fighting is betond a joke. The dont when i speak too get them to pay attention i have to carry on like a raving lunatic. School holidays dont start here until Friday so i am savouring every minute of the peace before the next world war starts. You defintely are not alone though i think the odd ones out are the ones who are like tv families (and really does that even happen or are they just putting on a show). But in saying all this at the end of the day i would not change my family for the world. Love them to bits.
Ha ha ha ha… love it: The next world War…. it is so true. Sounds like we are all in the same boat then. Thanks for telling me about your struggles.
Ha ha ha ha, perhaps I need a bar fridge in the wardrobe. I am totally taking on the “kick them out of the house” attitude… I have just thought of 2 other things they have here on the station… a pool table and a ping pong table, bored indeed!!!!
I hear your pain. I find it takes everyone a little while to find their groove in the hols and it can be pretty soul destroying before then. My youngest (7) is literally allergic to boredom. It causes acute tantrums, whinging and general obnoxiousness. My reply to this is that she needs more practice being bored. It doesn’t go down well.
Only the eldest (17) is on hols so far but I will be battling the same issues as you before long. It will all start on our long car trip to Xmas destination, I’m sure you can hear the following phrases: I’m bored, she’s touching me, stop looking at me, etc. I’ll comfort myself that there are other mums feeling the same pain. And being accused of being the worst mum ever. I try and remember that setting boundaries and sticking to them is good for kids. x mum of 3 girls.
Oh Suzy…. I am so hearing you … “soul destroying” and “general obnoxiousness” are really resonating with me!!!! Yesterday was quite a “soul destroying day”!
And the worst bit is – they think the person doing all the FUN jobs (NOT) is the best person to complain to! Hang in there chick. I worry about this a lot too. It helps to know that there are lots of others out there too.
It really does help to know I am not alone too Kim!
I hear you and I think you do an amazing job as Mum.. for goodness sake.. they’re kids & for whatever reason these days they seem to EXPECT entertainment.. so, you are in CHARGE & they will need a plan.. which you & they will work on together! A timetable like the school day but being Holidays needs both relaxation & stimulation as well as responsibilities.. so.. are you up for it? You already provide so much but this is them learning age-appropriate roles! mr 12 will be in for less of a shock next year I think if he begins taking some personal responsibility & can see the benefit for him.. much love!
Denyse. ps You can do this!
Hi Denyse… you will be proud to know I took your advice and did this timetable thing… which actually worked well… did it for one day and then got busy and sidetracked… need to get back onto it. Thanks for the tip.
Dan I know exactly what you mean! Firstly you are not alone! I do it all the time. Mother guilt is the worst type. If I can offer some things that work for me. My first option is that I get outside and do something, anything and they either have to follow me or chase me. Second option is that they all get locked out of the house and banned from coming in until I say. They are forced to make their own fun in the garden or fight or whatever. Let them fight it out or sit in the garden like gnomes, either way they are outside and out of my hair until I’ve cooled my jets (it’s safer for them that way – ha ha). Don’t be sad Groover – you are one of many! My mother tells me that I was exactly the same and that all kids are ungrateful. Doesn’t mean we have to accept it but it doesn’t mean we’ve failed as parents and have spoilt brats either. Our kids are fortunate but they’ll only appreciate this when they’re 30! Go girl go – I’m cheering for you!
Joy I just love this message…thank you thank you thank you so much!!!!!
Dear Miss Chardy,
Are our children related?
First day of the hols, 8.30am and my 13 year old is telling me how much her 4 year old brother is annoying her! Then said 4 year old tries to put his 10 cents in. Oh my! How many more weeks??
Is it not bad enough that I teach other people’s children 40 weeks a year? Then come home to mine and have this?
No wonder I love my hair dresser so much!
My mum used to say ‘Who needs peace? Fight on!’
Have a great Xmas! I will be toasting all other Mums who deal with this every night!
Terri
Here’s to us all dealing with this shit Terri!
I hear your pain and totally understand it. I think they are all the same or they are fibbing. My solution to the fighting is I have a list of jobs on the fridge and if they are fighting or say they are bored they get a job to do (individual jobs of course so they don’t continue to fight). Most of the time it only takes a few jobs and peace reins…….well mostly because you can’t give them a labotomy. It does have the upside of getting some jobs done and you didn’t assign them the jobs they chose to fight so they chose to do the job. But I am a self confessed MEAN MUM.
Dan
I am feeling your pain! I am the world’s worst wife AND mother because I won’t wash cricket whites! That do not belong to me that I don’t use and honestly I wouldn’t mine if they didn’t either! I am over fighting with everything! I said to our daughters when I dragged myself out of my sick bed and drove to pick them up to save them having to walk home in the heat that we are currently experiencing in NSW that I wanted them to pick up their things off the dining room table (that they have been progressively dumping there each day this week after school. Apparently none of it was theirs and I was a witch for asking they pick up after themselves! I said no worries but I would be just tossing everything into the bin!
Mine aren’t even on holidays yet. We DON’T have a pool and they beg me to ask the neighbours every day that do. I am over it all and do not know how they will survive the holidays and what the hell was I thinking extending their holidays by two weeks (at the other end) by booking us on a cruise! At least there is a kids club is all I keep telling myself!
C xoxo