I’m Not a Celebrity – Get Me Out Of Here

Well we all know how bloody hard it is to get off our station during the wet season. These so called wet seasons have definitely been few and far between of late. The only time is does rain is when we either want to drive out or if I book flights and plan in advance. I feel like a broken record but it really is quite the mammoth effort to get in or out.

I feel like I haven’t really been anywhere for over 2 months now, but there was that one quick trip to town the other week (that turned into a bit of a circus – read about that one HERE) – but I don’t think we can actually count that as an enjoyable outing.

On the other hand I have been literally counting down the days until our Brisbane trip. We have had this booked for a while now. It is Mr Chardy’s Dad’s 80th Birthday and we get to see our boys too. We booked a Stayz house at Brookfield, have the hire car booked and of course have had the flights booked for a while now (after we sold Clancy for scientific research to pay for the flights). I have been so excited about this trip. I have a hair appointment booked for Friday and lots of other appointments.

I mean at the very least I just need a new pair of pyjamas!!!!

When we plan stuff like this you can almost guarantee it will rain. And of course it has. Our car is in Camooweal so the plan was to drive a ute to Camooweal then take the ute and car to Mt Isa. But, you guessed it, it rained.  Now don’t get me wrong, we love the rain, but seriously, come on – it only rains when we want to get out.  

On Wednesday we had to make an executive decision.  We were hoping that Clint (our good friend and neighbour) would fly over in his plane and take us to Camooweal – sounds so simple doesn’t it.  But the weather and low cloud meant that he couldn’t fly.  We thought, ok we will call Qantas and ask if we can rebook for Friday.  Then we decided that we would get Clint’s chopper to come over and pick me up – take me to their house where I would stay overnight – with Mrs Savvy B.  With the plan for the chopper to then take me to Camooweal on Thursday morning so at least I wouldn’t have to change my flight and I could still pick the boys up from school and keep all our bookings.  

This also meant I had to call Qantas (because it wouldn’t let me change the tickets online) and re-book Mr Chardy and Clancy to fly out of Mt Isa on Friday night.  Again – sounds so easy, it isn’t.  I dialed 13 13 13 and was told the waiting time was 1 hour and 4 minutes but my call was important to them.  So I attached the phone to my t-shirt and went about my business with it on speaker.  1 hour and 28 minutes later my call was answered.  

By this stage I was quite fragile.  I told the lady of our predicament and where we live and what had happened, I told her we needed to change the boys flight to Friday.  She asked me what date Friday was because she was in South Afric.  So basically she had no idea of my predicament.  She told me no, but they could get them down to Brisbane on Saturday afternoon.  Well this was enough to tip me over the edge, I burst into tears – ugly black mascara tears.  I told her I had been on the website and there were indeed seats available on Friday but apparently not for us because it was a “rewards” booking.  

I then asked her to just book them on the Friday night flight and I would pay the fare, and asked her what would happen to the fares we had already booked.  She said “Please don’t cry Mrs Doyle” to which I replied “I’m sorry but I have been on hold for 1 hour and 28 minutes”.  She must have felt sorry for me because she put me on hold and then told me that they were going to refund our original fares and I could just re-book online.  Thanks so much, really appreciate it.   So off I went, bent over and paid $1400 for 2 one way tickets to Brisbane.  No problem.  Did I mention that you can pick up a return flight Brisbane to LA at the moment for around $859?  Just saying. 

Gosh listen to me bang on but it was quite the saga getting us to town this time.  

Ok, tick – Mr Chardy and Clancy’s tickets were sorted and the chopper was on the way to get me.  Now fingers crossed for an improvement in weather so Clint could fly them out in the plane.  We have a plan.  I dried my tears, fixed up my mascara and got my stuff together, ready to get the hell out of there.  GET ME TO BRISBANE.

Alex arrived and off we went over to Mrs Savvy B’s.  She greeted me with a cold glass of wine and all was good, I was with my mate.  We had a lovely night.  In the middle of the night there was a massive storm with thunder that shook the house but that is ok because: chopper!

I should have said yes to the headset to keep my cap on, in the end I gave up and just went with the wind blown look…

Concierge – also known as our lovely neighbour and best mate Clinto – was there to meet us and carry my bag. He is really worth more money!

On Thursday morning Alex fired up the chopper and got me safely to Camooweal.   I managed to stick my tiny little feet into a big pair of boots to save my shoes from getting muddy. Not sure who owns them but they did the trick.

He basically landed right next to my car – now that is service.  

I went into say hello to Sarah and Russell (the keepers of our car) and it turns out that Russell was taking Sarah’s sister – Sue – to Mt Isa to fly to Brisbane too.  So we decided I would travel in with them so the car was in Camooweal for Mr Chardy and Clancy to drive to town if Clint was able to get them out – WHAT A CIRCUS.  Just typing this is making me puffed.

We aren’t even in Mt Isa yet.  I honestly thought it was going to be a miracle if I actually make it to Brisbane because as we neared the airport, I noticed a Facebook post saying that the flights into Mt Isa had been diverted to Cloncurry.  Give me strength.  

I checked in and looked at my boarding pass – seat 25F.  I didn’t even think the plane had 25 rows so thought I must be either in the toilet – private cubicle, basically first class) or on the tail.  I was in the very back row – window seat – if you could call this a window, ha ha ha ha – oh it is all too funny!!

But at least I was on the plane and here I sit now typing this.  I reckon by the time the service trolley gets to me we will nearly be in Brisbane.  But I am ready to order that baby bottle of wine and celebrate being in the air Brisbane bound – you little beauty!  Oh yeah, bring it on.  I even got to catch up with some friends at the airport, which was lovely, they are down in row 7 which must be first class on this plane!  

Ok will sign off here and resume this epic story once I get to Brisbane and have phone service/internet.  Off to wait for that trolley to bring my wine, which is currently at row 4.  

Oh you guys, I am coming to you in real time, reporting live from row 25 seat F.  The trolley finally reached me – don’t worry it only took 1 hour, I had only eaten 3 of my fingers off, not a whole arm – it was that or pass out, ha ha ha.  Did I mention I haven’t actually eaten anything today – I have had 2 coffees but no food – what on earth was I thinking.  So, to say I was starving would be an understatement.  Yay… give me the food …. And the wine, I can’t wait to get my little mitts on that baby bottle of wine.  I have been so patient.  

Well, you can only imagine my disappointment…. I have no words for this Qantas…

I must have been hungry because I didn’t dry reach once.

No, no Qantas I am not vegetarian, please don’t assume.  It is like the world is against me, is the universe trying to tell me something?  NO WORDS! I mean if you don’t laugh you will definitely cry.  Then the drinks man came along “I’ll have a white wine please”… “I’m sorry maa’m we don’t serve alcohol on this flight….. Well my friends, just like when I was on hold to the Qantas lady, it was enough to tip me over the edge. I just laughed. WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K … SHUT UP!!!   Has it really been that long since I have flown (no, just a few months).  He told me “This is considered a charter flight”…. Look Tony – I don’t care what sort of flight it is considered just give me the booze!!!!  I swear I nearly started crying, as if the cauliflower bites weren’t enough to tip me over the edge but now this.  Oh my god.  I had to eat the cauliflower bites – it was either eat them or pass out.  I can confirm that they tasted just as they looked – LIKE SHIT!  I said to the drinks man – “Oh it is just one blow after another isn’t it” – he looked at me and said “yeah you probably need alcohol in that seat don’t you”…. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh I am so sorry my friends… listen to me bang on, I think I have lost the plot.  I am off to have a little meeting with myself and when I come back I will have a better attitude. 

Ok my friends I am back and I have made it to Brisbane, I have slapped myself, had a wine with my gorgeous friend Ed and I have a better attitude. That is because I made it to Brisbane… woooooooo hoooooooo.

Now it is Friday and I am typing this while kicking back at my gorgeous hairdressers – Cheveux Design and Espresso at Auchenflower – Nadine is such a legend and I am beyond excited to have my hair done. Oh and I went for a jog this morning – on a footpath! What a treat. It was so lovely.

Ok – final chapter of the epic “operation get the hell off the station” last update was that Clint was on his way to pick up Mr Chardy and Clancy in his plane and take them to Camooweal. Hopefully they should get to Brisbane around 9:30pm!!!! Yay!!!

I was so excited to collect my boys from boarding school and feed them up. Gosh they have grown even in the short amount of time since I saw them last. Anyway, so sorry about this massive post and rant – don’t worry I am much happier now that I made it to Brisbane and so nice to have had some rain at home. See – whole new attitude!!!

Now look, if you have made it down this far all I can say is well done, geez. Over and out my friends. It is night 2 in Brisbane, my husband and son are about to fly out of Mt Isa and we will all be together here in Brisbane soon.