Hi there….it is the crazy psycho bitch here…. holy cow, what is wrong with me? I was going bat shit crazy at the poor children all day yesterday and why? For no great reason other than I have a thousand things running through my head that need to be done and don’t seem to be able to get any of them complete.
Toddler hell – it is not a happy place for me. I was in the light. The year was 2010 and I was just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with my 5 & 4 year olds. I was about to give all my baby crap away, would have been happy to burn it all actually. Then….BOOM……felt a bit sick, thought I must have had glandular fever because I was so tired. Thought it best I do a pregnancy test before the Doctors flew in for their monthly visit – just to rule that out……Nothing was ruled out, there it was staring into my beady little eyes – 2 lines….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Mr Chardy just laughed and thought it was funny and exciting, I assured him it WASN’T.
Fast forward 3 years (nearly) and we wouldn’t be without the cute little bundle that is Clancy, but gee whiz this toddler caper really does my head in. I know, I know… I will look back on these years and realize they were actually the easy years. Yes, I know I don’t want to even think about my 3 boys and cars and alcohol. But I just can’t even see past the fog. There must be a glimmer of light at the end of my new tunnel, surely. Now before you all get too concerned for my safety, don’t worry, I have since shouted myself a little holiday to BrisVegas for a Tube Tying Tour (anything for a child free holiday, right?) and have stayed on the Pill just to be sure. I am dammed if I am going to be one of those statistics you hear about. You know, the people who get their tubes tied and then still get pregnant. No thanks.
Life with a toddler really is like a blender without the lid. It is actually like a blender full of Lego without the lid. Lego and crumbs and spilt milk.
Then last night the boys opened the sliding door and all the bugs came in. Yes, the cheese fell off my cracker for the last time that evening, I don’t even think they listen to me anymore, which is probably a good thing. In between me going crazy, a frog managed to become squished in between the glass and sliding door. I told the boys to deal with it and get it out, I couldn’t watch. I didn’t want to see, hear or smell the slimy little thing. In the end Tom and I had to take the door off and hunt it out. Yes, Mr Chardy is actually away so it was up to the 9 year old and me.
This brings me to my next point. It is a good thing that Mr Chardy is such a hermit and doesn’t ever go anywhere. All I have done the past 2 nights has been eat and eat and eat. Night number 1 it was a deep fry-a-thon and on day number 2 I had a “how many Jatz can one person eat” competition with myself – with loads of butter and chutney – because chutney was about the naughtiest thing I had to jazz it up with. Once all the Jatz were gone I was hunting through the cupboards like a woman possessed looking for ANYTHING sweet. The only thing I could find was Popping Candy….I kid you not. It was actually given to the children at Christmas, but I found it in the deep dark depths of the pantry. Just embarrassing really, but god it was good, and that popping in your mouth, yum! So yes folks – turns out if I didn’t have a husband I may well be about 60kg’s heavier.
Lucky I was wearing my “Holy Muffin Top Remover” Katies Ultimate Fit jeans – thanks Mrs Woog! Seriously, you need to check out her post about these jeans. You would never buy them if you saw them in the shop, but trust me, they are the bomb. Seeing is believing, and they are so darned comfy. Thanks Mrs Woog! Be sure to have a read, she is one funny lady: Woogsworld.
One last thing before I end my rant. I am out of Chardy AGAIN. At this rate I am going to have to change my name to Chardy All Gone. Or even worse, the name my husband suggested I call the blog – The After Grog Blog…..hmmmm it was a lovely thought, but – no. I did manage to scrounge up a gin lime and soda though. What is going on, I really need to get my priorities sorted and get online tomorrow and order some Chardy or this blog will be history.
How do I get all my jobs done. I can’t see the light. Everywhere I look I see jobs that need doing. Am I just lazy or does this happen to other people too? This is why I need to visit Mrs Sav, I always feel motivated after seeing her, but the motivation is just not there this time.
So that is the real Miss Chardy folks. An absolute lunatic. I normally save this stuff for emails to my just as crazy friends, because they will listen, but now I have you all. After emailing my friend last night, she told me this is the stuff I should be blogging about so I thought, why not!
Are you a crazy psycho bitch too or am I the only one?
Oh dear Miss Chardy, no doubt you are also drowning in the post camping washing. Maybe Great Expectations too, thinking with the two boys back at School yesterday heaps will be done! No doubt that super cute Surprise put a stop to that! I think because we are with the little TREASURES 24/7, it is even harder to be lovely Mummy or fun Mummy! At least they see us warts and all! However, by inhaling entire packets of dry biscuits (salt and vinegar Sakatas mmm…) we are keeping Katies in business!
Yes, 24/7 gets a bit much after a while. No wonder us extroverts need to get away so often. So we don’t go BSC!!!! Yes, Great Expectations are no help at all either. Glad I am not the only person stuffing their face with dry biscuits.
Your first paragraph describes my school holiday experience exactly. Exactly I tell you.
My only advice is to never, ever run out of wine. Never.
Blog on funny lady.
Hello Farmers Wife, I am glad I am not alone, don’t you find when you are on the farm alone for a while you start to think your children are the naughtiest children in the world…then you go to town and it is always such a relief to see naughty children, gives you are real lift seeing other peoples children playing up. I just had a quick read of your blog, looking forward to reading some more. Right, I need to order some wine, pronto.
Oh Miss Chardy, sounds as though you are doing it tough!! You might be in need of a “cheer-me-up” on my way home from work today!!
You have no idea how good it is to hear that you’re not the only crazy lady out here in the wide blue yonder, going mental at your kids because YOU have soooo much stuff to do, not their fault, but far out, everything that you do get done seems to be undone in milliseconds by the little cherubs, especially the littlest ones. Those super cute surprises that are more common than I ever realised!
I often think, OK, so what would ffhousemouse do for instance, just keep calm and carry on, or as another friend would say, just smile and wave girls, smile and wave… Easier said than done of course and I tell myself on most days, tomorrow I’ll start my new routine, where I’ll be making lists and ticking them off and achieving things, but hello, it’s just the same as yesterday and hubby says, don’t these little dinosaurs ever get picked up? They really hurt a man’s feet you know. Really? I’ve never stepped on them myself, wouldn’t know (sarcasm dripping) yes I’ve picked the bloody things up twenty times trying to get that patch of carpet vacuumed, but then the phone rings and someone knocks on the door and BAM there tipped out again!
Anyway, thanks for your blog and don’t stop, it’s awesome!
That is it Messynessie….it HAS to be the toddlers…..if he isn’t pulling doona’s and pillows from beds to keep himself warm under the air con, then he is spilling milk or walking around with a bag of bread and just dropping the crusts where ever he wants. And the tantrums, I had forgotten about those….wow, if he isn’t allowed to put the 5th spoonful of milo in the cup or the 4th spoonful of sugar on his weet-bix….the world must have ended…surely. I think we really do just have to smile and wave….I am right there with you.
Tears running down my cheeks, giggling so hard at the hilarity of this reflection( an early twenties pre-kid, post-govie view point.. Of course). I can remember when the delightful news of the baby bundle that was on the way and just how proud Mr chardy was(I’ll leave his remarks out this time) I also remembering the ever enduring task of toilet training H at that age (I swear he thought the school room was the toilet) and answering the 4065 questions a day of mr 5 year old. All this makes it possible for me to say I know what your going through, I remember it well I know it’s hard but remember it did get easier…. At least till it didn’t. Chardy I know for a fact you are not bat shit crazy… Even if you do answer the phone in the cupboard…but….one thing you have to remember is every single person in the world feel this way even if they don’t have kids. You guys are just superwomen! I can’t get over how much I love these blogs, they are honest to goodness miss chardy and would you really have life any other way …. From the girl who misses this mess and chardy on the verandah.
Thanks Missmillinery!!!! On the phone in the walk in robe and Mr 9 still finds me! No wonder I swear! Thanks for your kind and funny words, you made me laugh. x
I’m laughing for the second time. First the email and this is better. Hang in there, there is always spirits and the sodastream.
Glad I could make you laugh
Laughing out loud. With you, not at you! We all have those days and my children are 18 and 15. When they were little I used to think how great it would be when they wouldn’t leave all their crap around the house. How wrong was I…….
It is never going to end is it, I need to just deal with it.
Nope! Never ever and I don’t even have a ‘surprise’! Rest assured messynessie there were plenty of very late nights mopping the GH for visitors or getting the wages in and invoices paid when the children were younger, oh and a LOT of ‘sighing’! Pretty sure it was easier back then as our Station Jobs were not as full-on. X