Do you do it too? I am pretty sure we all do. Trying to do it all, it is hard work and can wear you down. But I tell you the hardest thing of all – parenting! Yes, I know Mum, you told me it was hard work, and you were so right – yet again.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to have 3 happy (well I think they are happy, most of the time they are complaining), healthy and pretty smart little boys. We were so lucky that we didn’t have trouble getting pregnant and those babies just kept coming. It breaks my heart to see friends who try over and over only to face heartbreak time and time again.
But back to my whinge…. because I don’t think it matters if you have tried over and over for a baby and finally managed to get one or if you just held your husbands hand and got pregnant. We all go through tough times with our children. Oh and the guilt. Why do I feel so guilty day in and day out. If I could just stop feeling so guilty life would be so much happier. I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my children, yet I am here for then 24/7. They do their schooling here, they have smoko and lunch with me, they can see me after school…so why the hell do I beat myself up?
I feel so lucky that I don’t have to put them in day care, and my 3 year old is by my side ALL.OF.THE.TIME. Ohhhhhhh, sometimes I would kill for a daycare break. I feel guilty that I hate cooking with them and have no patience when they want to help, but I do try. I worry that my lack of attention is going to turn them into serial killers, but then I remind myself (or someone else reminds me) that they are from a loving family, their parents are still together and actually love each other, there is no fighting in their home (only the fighting among themselves) we are all together most of the time, they get to go out working with Dad….. basically they have it pretty good, they just don’t realise it. And me telling them that I would love to drop them on the streets of India for 2 nights so they can see what it is like to have nothing, probably doesn’t help….does it? But goodness me I would love them to see what it looks like to have nothing. They are just so spoilt – is this going to turn them into serial killers??? Like the people you see on Criminal Minds!!
I worry that they are going to be scarred for life because I don’t want to play kiddie games with them, and that I am so busy most of the time. But we are all busy, right? Seriously, how do all of you town Mum’s do it. The after school sport would be enough to do my head in. Although at least I would get to see my friends and have a chat. You see, I think I get like this when I haven’t been anywhere for a while or chatted with my friends.
Did I mention in has been 107 days since I have been to town. Ok, so there have been trips away during those 3 months, but only a few really and it didn’t involve town unless you count the Camooweal Cricket Weekend, and I don’t think we can really count that as “town”. So maybe that is my problem, I just need to get the hell out of here and have a good week with my friends.
So on Sunday we will drive out of here. Goodbye everyone – happy cooking for yourselves! Goodbye housework, goodbye office work and goodbye station cooking. One whole week people. We are heading in for the annual School of the Air Home Tutor Seminar week and Sports Day. The boys with do NAPLAN on Tuesday and then go to school for 2 days on Wednesday and Thursday (and do more NAPLAN). We will do lots of jobs on Monday, go to the doctor, go to the optometrist and finally bank all of their money in their heavy little money boxes (which they have most likely stolen from around the home). But the one thing I am looking forward to: going to the hairdressers. Bring it on! My child free day – Tuesday – relaxing, having my hair done, reading and just chilling out.
Lets hope that once I get back some of my guilt has gone. Perhaps I will have more patience and be a nicer person to be around. Turns out the “Anti Bitch Pills” haven’t really turned me into said nicer person! Who’d have thought. ha ha ha.
I am so sorry you have had to listen to me bitch and moan about life, but thanks so much for listening. I promise to be happier once I get to town. The old Chards will be back, hopefully.
So, how has your week been? Do you feel this guilt that I feel, day in and day out?
Do you find yourself saying “what a waste, that could feed a whole family in Africa” when they won’t eat their food?
Have a great weekend and I will be sure to keep you posted whilst in town. Yippeeee!!!!!
All the mothers I know have days like this Chards, we’re not alone! Happy Mothers Day for Sunday, have a safe drive and enjoy your week in town. xx
Too funny, I was just the first one to comment on your blog post….thanks and I will definitely have a great week. 🙂
I just love you Miss Chard so down to earth and normal I look forward to your posts 🙂
Oh god love you – thanks so much, love to see messages like this pop up. Thanks for reading!!!
Lol, as a father of a 13 and 10 year old i think the same of myself. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Loved the comment abut their money being probably stolen from around the house … haha, i think that is what my daughter sometimes does i.e. if its not in my wallet (although she thinks she owns that too) it is up for grabs. My biggest problem is that the guilt i have causes me to surf eBay for nice little gifts for them :). See retail therapy exists online and for men as well!
I don’t worry about the food bit because i have dogs or chickens who will appreciate the leftovers (or me if it comes to a crumbed lamb cutlet with a tiny bit of crumbs or meat still left on it).
Have a nice time away and a lovely Mothers Day, Miss Chard.
Grant
Hi Grant, isn’t it great – turns out we are normal….. makes me feel so much better to know that everyone is in the same boat, living out here at BFN sometimes I think I am the only one going through this. After my trip to town I will realise it is all ok and I am not alone. Great to hear from others out there going through the same….male or female, doesn’t matter. 🙂
Well what is normal? lol, at least we all feel same guilt 🙂 My sister told me Hillston is S(erious)BFN but the NT is more serious in that case than here. Beats the city any day though.
Definitely I have had those exact feelings & used to think that I was alone. But over the years I would listen to others and guess what…I wasn’t alone. I call it NORMAL to feel this way.Life is definitely not an ‘ideal world” or I think it would be boring 🙂 This is what shapes you & your family. I still have those thoughts & my boy’s are 24, 21 & 17 Have a fantastic week in town, indulge & enjoy!
And I bet they aren’t serial killers Anita, ha ha ha ha. So happy to hear from everyone today to make me feel normal!!! Thanks Anita.
You made my day reading this this morning! As I try to get ready for work and get 3 children to school, the guilt I feel because I am ordering them canteen today as a ‘special’ (so I don’t have to pack 3 lunchboxes today!) is somewhat lifted as I know we all feel the same guilt – albeit about different things.
Thank goodness its Friday and although tomorrow is filled with sport, Sunday can be a quiet day surrounded by family. Enjoy your weekend and drive safe. 🙂
Oh god, good on you for doing a lunch order, I would be so slack if I lived in town, I can imagine there would be many “lunch orders”… don’t worry I have a few friends who used to buy their lunch every single day from school – we didn’t once think they had slack parents, we were so jealous and guess what – they turned out just fine. The whole getting kids to school in the morning is a killer, I don’t know how you do it day in and day out. Have a nice quiet Sunday!! 🙂
I think you have a case of CABIN FEVER, I prescribe chardonnay, a trip to town, a haircut, a big bowl of your favourite food, cooked by someone else, and lots of nattering with people in town. I agree with every wise words you have said. I think my kids probably think I’m a grumpy old mole, well they’d be right but something I fun… Happy weekend and safe drive out my friend and happy Mother’s Day. xxx
Oh you are so right with your prescription Em…. I am thinking there may be many bowls of Chinese – my absolute favourite town food – when I get out of here. Can’t wait to sit with my mate Di and eat chinese, drink wine and chat until way past our bedtime. Well all of my friends actually. Can’t wait Oh and I am totally a grumpy old mole, ha ha ha ha, and just love saying mole. ha ha ha.
Oh Chardy….I remember those days and let me tell you they don’t turn out to be serial killers. Seriously though, I STILL feel some guilt over some perceived wrong doings from my two boys’ childhood and they are 23 and 21!!! But you know, they’ve both said that we are the most normal family! HUH?? So it’s all good:) And I totallly agree with what Anita McCarthy said in a previous comment..it is normal. You will have a fabulous time in town, get your haircut, have some terrific gossip time with some girlfriends and you will be all refreshed. By the way, it took me a little while to figure out what the heck School of the Air was……but fear none, the Yank got it…Have a wonderful time!!! I am now toasting you with my glass of Chardonnay:)
Oh Heidi – from Missouri – so great to hear form you and I just love everything about your message – THANK YOU!!!! You have cheered me up no end. Love that your boys are 23 and 21 and told you they have the most normal family, that is gold. So glad they don’t turn into serial killers…well I hope not anyway, ha ha ha. Thanks again and cheers. 🙂
You have absolutely nailed that feeling with this blog post. I worry about raising a serial killer or narcissist or goodness knows what else all the time hahaha. I just want him to grow up to be a good person, god dammit!
It is great to know I’m not alone haha.
I think time out is definitely needed when these thoughts drive us crazy – it might go against our ‘wanting to be a good mum’ instinct at first, but it’s SO important. Whether it’s an hour, a day or a week – we need to carve out SOMETHING. And if you can’t be kid free, then do something new and exciting together. We need to come back with fresh eyes and ears and hearts. Our kids benefit more from that than us being on the edge of a breakdown all the time xo
You are SO RIGHT Kez!! So right. And don’t worry, I WILL be having a fair bit of “child free” time on Tuesday….can’t wait. I love too that I am not the only person who has these thoughts and worries about our children. I worry way too much…waste too much time doing it. But I guess if we didn’t worry so much we wouldn’t care so much…???
Hi Miss Chardy, sorry ive had internet probs lately! Oh yes- i feel guilty too a LOT of the time with mothering, pleased i am not alone. Turns out despite differing localities- we all seem to have our similar mummy gripes! I find the term perpetually exhausting yet filled with guilt, & working doesnt make it easier! We somehow do plug along though (not sure how) and muddle through it. Dont get me started though haha! x
Hi Miss Twinings…nothing worse than internet troubles… great to hear from you, thanks for the message…we are all in the same boat aren’t we, no matter where we live or what we do. Sometimes I just need a reminder of this.
Very true, i hope u have a great break & rejuvenate in town beautifully! Go for it!! How nice for you, & Happy mothers day too!
You do have a serious case of cabin fever Miss Chardy. I so remember the days on end with 3 kids and wondering if I would survive with my sanity in tact. A weeks break sounds like just the cure. Have a wonderful relaxing time away from the station. So glad you get some ME time.
Oh Julie, it is definitely cabin fever. And I am always wondering about my sanity too.
Miss Chardy my mum says everyone feels like this sometimes and all six of us are “normal” so are my favourite aunty’s nine. Mum used to threaten us with boarding school no so much of a threat these days but it was big back then enjoy town
Ha ha ha, thanks so much!!!